Living For The City

Truth be told, I haven’t read a book (that didn’t have pictures in it) cover to cover in some time but there was a time when I always had at least two on the go and a waist-high stack ready to be digested. My time as a giant bookworm was relatively short lived but during that time I was fortunate enough have made it through some seriously quality material; top of that list being A People’s History of the United States (1492 to Present) by Howard Zinn.

Few books shaped my world view the way A People’s History did; I’ve read it at least twice (some chapters even more) and have lent it out to so many people over the years (in fact, I don’t even know who has it right now) and am looking forward to reading the most recent revision which I believe takes us all the way up until 2003… Unless Zinn was like Tupac, this will probably be the last of several revisions.

RIP, Howie, see you on the other side.

Epic.

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On a note related in name only; I’ve been listening to Oceans – Nothing Collapses on repeat pretty much all day and it’s pretty god damned incredible.

Your Plane Leaves Tomorrow

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So, one of the sites on my daily blog list is But Does It Float? and for the last little while there hasn’t really been anything on there that really shamwowed me but today I woke up, pulled my laptop onto my lap, and did a little surfing the interweebz before launching myself from my warm, cozy bed into my cold room and the cold, cold world in which it resides. Heavy – I’m so deep. Anyway, today something did pique my interest and I scrolled down, checked it all out, marveled at it for a while then closed the window and went on my way.

Later in the morning I realized that the work that impressed and intrigued me so was created by one of my friends and former co-workers, Anna, who left late last year to make my life at work dealing with programmers impossible pursue other interests. We miss her greatly ’round here but I suppose the fact that her work is being given the nod from one of her favorite websites won’t make her want to come back any time soon… Fly little birdy, fly.

I don’t know what they are at all, but they are incredible, check out more here… Congratulations, Anna, we’re all very proud of you. Keep ‘er up, hey!

The boys over at Blood & Bandages have a new site online and you should check it out – not like there is much on there other than the most crucial information but it looks cool and if nothing else, let it serve as a reminder that you (much like me) are passed due for a trim!

So maybe I’m out of touch but up until a very short while ago I’m not sure that I knew who Josh Keyes was. I mean, I’m sure I’d seen his work, but either way, I wasn’t familiar. What better time to get familiar other than a time when you can buy one of his prints for $30 while simultaneously giving $15 of that to Haiti relief organizations? Giddy up.

Josh has teamed up with Tiny Showcase to do a limited run of Totem II (Raven Steals the Light) which went on sale last night and will run until Feb 2nd with 1/2 of the sale cost being donated to Partners In Health. When I checked the site last night the sale had raised over $8,000 and this morning, only a few hours later, it’s already almost $16,000. I mean sure, you could just give your $30 straight to Partners In Health and you’d feel pretty good about it, but I feel ok about this… I’ve already given a bunch of dough and, well, god damnit I like stuff…

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While we’re on the super talented tip; one of my favorite gals by one of my favorite gals… great job Tamo!

So, one night we were watching the tele and on comes snake oil salesman miracle man Peter Popoff and he’s offering to send me, personally, a vile of holy water for free and I figured that nothing would save my soul from fire and brimstone quite as effectively as a little bit of the wet stuff in a plastic vile! I’m not entirely sure, but I think he might have sent me sex lube instead. Sinner. He even sent me a magical golden bracelet as well!

I don’t remember what I said my name was when I called in, for some reason I thought I’d said something vulgar, but either way they now send all correspondence to Partner McDancer. I like the name, I think it’s a good fit based on my personality and will make a fine Christian name that I will take on for good once I’ve completed my training under Popoff and am finally reborn in the name of the good lord Jaaaaaysus!

Truth be told, I’m pretty interested in getting more involved with the ministry so I thought I’d lend a hand by updating their current website header with something a little more current. You know, something that will really speak to the children – they are our future you know. Trick love dem keeeeids.

Here’s the original:

Here are mine, I like them better and I think Big Poppa Popoff™ is going to be JAZZED!

& my personal fave…

I’ll update this post as the hits keep coming but thus far I’ve been sent the following items, each with instructions on some sort of ritual I’m supposed to perform, after which I’m supposed to send the trinkets back with whatever amount of money they ask for plus whatever else I’d like to send. I thought the water was going to be the key my salvation but I think that was just the starting point, the real key is the money. Popoff needs that scrilla, son!

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Golden Prosperity Wallet. It’s pretty sweet, you just put some money in it and then put it under your pillow and then your money will be doubled by morning. Then you send in the money… but I kept it, because I’m making so much money by just leaving this thing under my pillow! Who gives this shit away? What an idiot!

Anti-Gay Masturbation Kit. Every time you have a homosexual thought you were supposed to masturbate using the magical gloves provided which will instantaneously save your soul from eternal fiery ass-rammings. Then you send in soiled gloves alongside a bunch of money… but I kept it because I have a lot of gay thoughts.

Magic Pierogi Apron. The instructions for this one were written in Aramaic so I wasn’t entirely sure what I was supposed to do but from what I could infer I was supposed to make Pierogies whilst wearing nothing but this apron wrapped around my little man – at least that’s what it looked like from the little Ikea like thumbnails along the bottom. I guess I was supposed to send the apron back along with the Pierogies and some money but instead I kept the apron and ate the Pierogies. Lesson learned, though, don’t fry food without your pants on.

Magical Mouse Cape. Perhaps the most magical of all, this ritual involved catching a small mouse and pinning the magical mouse cape to it’s back using the magical golden pin provided. I was then supposed to find the highest point in my house and throw the mouse, like a dove of eternal peace, from the roof of my house and watch him as he ascends to the heavens above. Then send in some money… Yeah, that’d have been cool and all but I’ve got fuckin’ bottle rockets, man. Suuuuuuweeee doogie doogie!

Magic Cheque. Poppoff sent me a fucking cheque, son! Good dude.

Upper Deck Trading Stickers – Popoff Edition. I chewed the hard pink gum that came with these stickers and I chipped a tooth. I threw them out.

Golden Ticket. My most recent acquisition; Popoff finally figured out what The Cashman and the folks from Dollaz4Goldz already knew. They don’t take plastic in the promised land, they don’t even take paper! Just like this guy, they wanna know where the gold at!

More Magical Mouse Capes! This time in multiple colours but these dickheads didn’t even send me the magical golden pins to affix them to the mice… I’m not sure that they’ll work without officially blessed pins but I’m willing to give it a shot in the name of the good lord.

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Here’s what is terrifying about all of this. The fact that I keep getting sent these little trinkets in the mail, which must cost a couple dollars each time, means that somewhere out there some mental retard is actually following the instructions sent in each communiqué from the man upstairs and sending in their hard earned bucks. Never underestimate the power of human gullibility. Terrifying.

The latest home reno headache, which all my friends have heard me bitch and moan about incessantly for months, was the installation of some new windows and sliding doors at the house. The sliding door downstairs didn’t open very well, the sliding door upstairs didn’t close very well and most of the windows had condensation between the panes pointing to some sort of crack in the seal somewhere…

Long story short;

• New windows and sliding doors ordered on October 22nd with a 4-6 week timeline for install.

• After 3 weeks with no contact I call the company at which point they tell me it’ll be 4-6 weeks from the next week.

• It then gets pushed back even further to late February.

• Lots of phone calls using terms like “rinky dink, mickey mouse, amateur hour, etc.” and the timeline gets pushed up to Jan 21st…

• Guys show up on Jan 20th instead…

• But didn’t finish, so they show up on Jan 21st as well…

• Try to pull a fast one and get us to buy trim, we call bullshit…

• Guys come back two days later with trim (2 hours late, mind you) and finish up the job…

This strongly worded letter is going to be epic! We’re not talking fucking Joe’s Discount Life Insurance, Windows, Bait & Tackle here, these puppies weren’t cheap!

It’s finally over now and they turned out great as far as I can tell, but Jesus, that was not a fun process. The sales guy had the fucking nerve to show up on the final install day, point out that he thought some of the work was sloppy, and then ask me to recommend their company to my neighbors. Sure thing, Jimbo!

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On the plus side; one of the installers is also a roofer and helped me out with the little roof over the porch which needed attention badly.

I knew that it was in rough shape but didn’t know it was this bad!

Glad it got taken care of; the dude was super nice and did a great job for very little money. I guess he figured he was there already he might as well pick up a couple extra bucks… As per usual, even when dealing with retarded companies, the installers are usually pretty good.

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One other upside is that while I was at home waiting for the guys I got the opportunity to take care of a few things around the house like rehanging the back gate that had fallen off…

I also took the opportunity to move them up to make them easier to open and close…

It was nice to have the time and a beautiful morning to work outside for a bit…

Now it’s time to go back inside and finish up everything else so that when the springtime comes I’ll be able to direct my attention to making the front of this place look really nice because right now…

…come on now! That red interlocking brick front yard & plastic porch boards have gots ta git ta steppin’!

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On an unrelated note; I’m really good and picking up garbage off the street…

…and stuff from the As Is section at Ikea, too.

I love garbage! But you know who loves garbage even more is Kelsey!

Happy Birthday, Kelso, may every day be better than the last…

For the last couple of months a bunch of my friends have been making a weekly Sunday pilgrimage to Bowlerama in Etobicoke to get right with the lanes and hone their skills at post strike slow motion celebration dances and last night I made the trek with them. Super fun – thanks for having me out!

I’m not entirely horrible (although, I did blow my load on the first game and never quite recovered) but I’m not a particularly good bowler so the highlight of my night was following along with Chris as he lived out one of his childhood fantasies of going back behind the lanes to see where the magic really happens.

Thanks to Sterling, Ian and all the good folks at Bowlerama West for being super nice and accommodating. Now, give Chris a job!

FHBC x BOW. What?!

$20 at the shop, give Killer a hander and he might give you a break on the price.

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Edit: It should also be noted that these were printed with love by JD, Mike (and probably Demarco) at Astro Screenprinting so you know they’re gonna be great! If anyone ever needs anything printed, there isn’t anyone else I’d recommend higher than these finest of fellows.

My friend Emillie, along with Damian & Amy Taylor Baby Machine, came over last week to check out the place and help me out with some ideas on how to finish off any number of outstanding projects I’ve got on the go. When I got to work the next day she’d already emailed over a bunch of photos for inspiration which definitely helped kick my butt into a higher gear.

I’ve been meaning to paint this wall a dark grey for some time and finally got around to it.

I tend to pick my paint colours based on name (once I get it narrowed down to 2 or 3 colours, anyway) and this one was called “Witching Hour” so how could I not pick that one!?

It’s a little darker than I’d intended but I think once I get a big fat bold piece of art on that wall as I’ve always wanted and maybe some wall mounted reading lights as per Emillie’s suggestion I think it’ll be just fine. In fact, I think it’ll be awesome

This bed is from Ikea and as such is pretty much a piece of garbage. It’s suffered through moving, delaminated itself while it sat out on my deck as the floor was being laid… Yep, it’s endured many a serious poundin’ over the years.

Nothing a little gorilla glue, a sharpie, some brackets and some new screws couldn’t handle, fortunately… Feels good to sleep in a solid bed again.

Aner had been over earlier in the week and we jammed out a couple more mason jar lamps using salvaged lamp cords Hammell gave me and jars from my favorite soup.

So for the $6 or $7 the bulbs cost me, I had 3 new lamps. Pretty fantastic.

I’m wicked smart so I mounted a power bar on the backside of the headboard so that I can turn the lights on and off with the flick of a single, conveniently located switch. Yep, wicked smart.

In the past, my bedrooms have always been for one thing… Sleeping. Ok, two things, but my mom reads this blog so I’ll digress… It’s nice to finally have a nice, comfortable bedroom that I actually enjoy spending time in. I’ll probably add a tv / dvd in the next couple of months at which point my ‘git up and git ‘er done’ time on the weekends will be pushed back at least an hour or two… but that’s ok, I’m gettin’ old, I need it…

A couple of weeks ago I spotted some floating shelves I wanted on Craigslist, $20 for 2 and before I’d realized they were the 6′ jobbies I’d already spoken for them… Figuring they go for over $40 a pop I went out and grabbed ‘em anyway without knowing where they’d go.

Sometimes… ok, all the time… I doodle during production meetings and the other day I was thinkin’ about the bedroom and came up with this…

Went home that night and did this…

With these shelves, in addition to screwing as many studs as you can, you’ve got to make sure to use good anchors for areas of the wall where studs are not present. I initially mounted the shelf using cheapie anchors and had to take it all down and re-do it with anchors that cost me as much as the shelves did… Made a huge difference…

Speaking of good Anchors… Kelso got me this lovely little jammer for Christmas and it’s my favorite.

I love it so much I went and got myself another one…

Thanks Stuart!

Along those lines – I may love my new glasses but I don’t love them enough to get myself a second pair, like this really smart guy.

I know that this is a viral campaign released by Ray Ban but does anyone have any word on whether or not the tattoo is real? From the photos / video it is pretty convincing…

From head…

…to toe.

Fahkin’ new laces from fahkin’ Bass Pro, bahd.

Happy New Year, everyone. Without being a total sap; thanks to all my friends and family for putting up with me and sticking by me for yet another year. It wasn’t an easy year for me by any stretch, but it was one of the best and most formative years in recent memory and I have a few people to thank for that… you all know who you are and that I love you dearly no matter what. I’m sad for the things I’ve lost this year but eternally grateful for all that I’ve gained. I might be alone, so maybe I have a bit of a problem, but I’ll still raise a glass to health and happiness for all the budz – all the best in 2010.

William Elliott Whitmore, Hell or High Water:

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And just for good measure…

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